TIK TOK ON THE CLOCK
One thing I am finding interesting as an Artist is the structures I am having to build around myself in order to excel in my career and also my creativity. Creativity is chaotic, it follows no rules and no time. It is from another realm, and does it truly answer to anyone? I am now timing how much work I am doing to keep myself in check…with spreadsheets…
I would argue this is dedication over obsession but actually the two are arguably the same in this case. If you aren’t obsessed with your goals or dreams, then what chance do they have? Why shouldn’t you be obsessed with your dreams? But the irony is, being an Artist cannot fully rely on structure. You never know when inspiration will strike, when your heart will break or when you feel like you could give it all up only to be redefined the moment after.
With the stopwatch on the go, counting as I type this very entry, am I chasing time or is it running against me. I saw a video online once that spoke about the African mindset of ‘Creating Time’, this is where time is only ever created as events occur, rather than in Western society, we are always ‘running out of time’. I do indeed wake up every day, with a pressure that I must complete my tasks within the time windows or I will not progress, this to a degree is true. I have been training myself to get up early and write, let the thoughts fall out of my head, write my to-do lists, I try to complete all of it. It isn’t – more often than not – possible to do. I get distracted, tasks take longer than I thought or maybe I procrastinate by avoiding the tasks I really should be doing. I am getting better at it all however. Being a human is a work-in-progress, always. Once you download a habit to its core, you are able to download and refine another. Just make sure to remove the viruses.
If I make the spreadsheet, and see no progress, what does that then make them? Obsolete? Maybe, or would I have understood how better to spend my time, give myself a more focused session on my projects and feel a sort of calm. Maybe it’s a natural coping mechanism for my health but whatever works.
Now we are halfway through the year, I wonder how everyone’s year has gone. Have you set yourself many or any goals for this year? If so, how are they doing? Are you proud of your progress? This doesn’t have to be with ‘work’ it can be personal, relationship related, anything. Now is a great time to pause and reflect on what this year has taught you so far, and what you want to do with the rest of it. Create the time. Create the magic you want to live.
It is hard to find the time to do everything, despite what this modern world wants us to do we cannot be in multiple places at once in this physical realm. I’m juggling a lot of creative projects at the moment, and I have noticed that my music career suffers when this happens. This is partially why I started the spreadsheets, so I can see ACTUALLY how much effort I am putting into it. You get what you put in.
- I just picked up my phone to do something else, my mind drifting into thinking of another task – I put it down. The clock is on, reminding me of my commitment. Am I creating time right now?
I think of the clock ticking, the life clock, the body clock, the age clock, the window of opportunity clock, the application deadline clock, when to feed the cats clock…As I grow, I do realise every moment counts. Every memory precious. I knew this before, but feel it more now than ever. From the moment we wake up, the early bird catches the worm they say. But then sure this can induce anxiety and sometimes you do actually need to slow down. You can’t get up early every day. You try to fit everything in. There are trade-offs. Things will get forgotten. Errors will be made. The human struggle to be perfect is an inconsistent tale, because humans are naturally creative and creativity is not perfect, it is not linear. Creativity is unpredictable, uncontrollable, confusing, contradictory, unique, ever evolving.
I can sense the rushing and anxious feelings I am experiencing at the moment as I read back this entry, I try now to close it off with a sense of grounding.
Breathe.
Everything will work out for the best.
Cut out caffeine lol.